It’s all good…..

Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?  Since I wrote my last blog…  Things happened, someone really annoyed me re my blogs, and I stopped writing.  This year, I have been a little out of sorts – too busy, too many different projects and ideas running through my brain, too much doing….  Famously, (infamously…) I’m known for saying – “it’s all good” … 

Client - Sorry – I’m running late …  Me – it’s all good

Airline – sorry, there’s an issue with your seat….  Me – it’s all good

Friend – what are we doing for dinner…  Me – anything is good

Day off plans – what to do….  My thinking – well I don’t know, quiet is good, tourist is good, adventure is good… 

But sometimes we need to admit, maybe something is up, maybe you need to park in layby for a moment and recalibrate…   

We have all experienced (or heard, as that good old cliché story) about the driver who won’t admit to being lost…  Often (in the story) it’s the husband who is driving around saying – I know exactly where I am – it’s just slightly more roundabout than I remember it being…  And the wife saying – let’s just stop and ask directions, or turn on Google Maps…  The more time you spend denying being lost, the longer it takes to get out of the situation…   As soon as you acknowledge that you are, in fact, a little directionally challenged, you can process the fact that you need a map or helping hand, and get out of dodge…

I have a friend who does frustrate me just a little… Everytime I ask – whether in person or online – “How are you?” her reply is always, without fail “Awesome”.  Now, there is a train of thought which goes, you get what you are focused on – your thinking becomes your reality…  Which I totally get…  If you focus on the negative, it grows.  BUT, sometimes things are not awesome.  Sometimes you do need to acknowledge that, yes, maybe the car is lost and I need to re-centre, pause in a layby and check the map, or ask for some directions.  Always answering “Everything is Awesome” is a conflict in your own consciousness – you know perfectly well that you are tired, jetlagged, stressed, sick or angry….  But in trying to change your current situation by focusing only on the good, you are “lying” to yourself… 

Why am I rambling along when this should be about riding your horse?  This is a situation I see so often as a coach, standing in the middle…  A horse and rider walk in…  The rider is clearly upright / stressed / nervous / distracted…  This could be because they are riding in front of an unknown trainer, or (especially if they already know me well) it could be because the horse is unknown, a bit fresh or nervous, the weather is bad, or there is stress in their personal or work life that they didn’t leave at the arena gate.  Whatever the cause, there is some unease.  And so I ask – how are you doing?  The answers I love to hear are the honest ones…  I’m a bit nervous about being here….  I’m a little tired – my kids kept me up last night…  I’m having a confidence crisis – my regular coach keeps yelling at me to slow the horse down and I just can’t find the brake…  Because, once the rider acknowledges that there is an issue, their car is a bit on the wrong route, we don’t have to live there, we can stop, organize, recentre and then we can focus on the good route.  They have admitted to all of us – their own inner gut feel, their horse (who already knows, since he’s reading their truth, not their “brave face” and to me (yup, I already know too…), then we can move on.  Then, and only then, can we focus on getting out of the dead-end corner…

The answer I hate, as the anxiety is oozing out of every pore in their body, is “All good, everything is awesome…”.  Their own inner wisdom is standing there, arms crossed, toe tapping, going, ya right…  Their 4-legged dance partner is confused at this conflicting information, and I have to unpack a whole lot of their “of course I know where the car is going” before I can start to help them.   Yes, what we focus on is what is going to become reality, but you first have to acknowledge that yes, we are not in the ideal starting point…

I teach, so often, we have to do a do, because we can’t do a don’t…  There is a big pink elephant in the corner of the arena…  But, don’t think about it.  And in your imagination, you have embellished it to the point where it now has purple toenail varnish and a yellow umbrella…  So, if you have come into the arena saying everything is awesome, when it clearly isn’t, then your subconscious is going to be arguing about the lack of clarity…  If you come in thinking, don’t be tense, don’t be tense, don’t be tense, then tension will become higher and higher on the to do list…  Instead, what do we need to do?  Come in – admit, the wind is howling, and my horse is on hind legs more than on all fours…  Acknowledge where we are, and then we can focus on where we are going.  Do ride forward, do breathe, do focus on controlling the speed of the horse’s legs.  We’re not going to focus on the negative, and so wont make that grow any larger.

So, next time some one cares enough to ask – are you ok? – whether in a paid situation (your trainer asking as you begin a lesson), a stranger asking if you need directions because you appear lost, a friend saying – I have a gut feel that maybe something is up, or your horse scratching his head thinking, whoa, my human is odd today, acknowledge it….  Be honest – today sucks – and then figure out a plan to get moving forwards again…  You don’t need to live in the negative, but tip your hat there, give the urgh-ness some recognition, and then move on. 

And me?  Well, I think I have recalibrated, organized the filing cabinet that is my brain, and yes, I think that now, all is good in my world…

Happy riding!