Control
It’s odd, isn’t it, what suddenly makes us think? Or more, what suddenly makes you put into words what you just know… I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to teach people to teach, how much I just take for granted and how you actually need to be able to put words to things.At the moment, I’ve been hanging out with a little mare with a very big attitude. If you didn’t know her, you’d swear she’d kill you. You go to catch her, she pins her ears back, swings her bum to you, squeals with irritation. But if you tell her to knock it off, walk up to her and put her halter on, she’s actually very sweet and obliging, she just likes to pretend. She’s been put onto medication for suspected PPID and has to have 20 tablets, twice a day. It’s pretty simple, crush them in a pestle and mortar, put them in a syringe and squirt them down her mouth. And every morning when I go to give it to her, she pins her ears, walks out of her stall into the little run out the back, swings her bum at me and makes her opinion very known. “I’m not happy with this situation, I’m cross, you’re going to have to make an effort and come and catch me”.I walk into her stable, out into the run, up to her, pat her, tell her that she’s very beautiful and absolutely in charge, put her halter on, take her back inside, where the syringe is waiting. She needs that moment, to make sure she and I both know that she’s in charge. She’ll agree, if I ask her nicely, but don’t take it for granted.This morning, without thinking about it, as I went to catch her I was chatting nonsense to her, saying yes Xena, of course you’re in control. And it suddenly a whole lot of stuff make sense…This is my route in and out of the cycle parking, at least twice a day. And, honestly, it gives me the heebie jeebies at times… (Isn’t that an awesome expression? It’s right up there with discombobulated and splendiferous, just makes you understand in an instant). [video width="368" height="656" mp4="https://kudaguru.com/wp-content/uploads/video-1589724228.mp4"][/video]Sometimes, without consciously thinking, I just cycle straight through. I’m aiming forward, straight, go, and have acres of room. Other days I’m thinking arrrgh, going hit the tree, going to hit the wall, arrgh, look how close the wall is… And guess what? I have numerous skinned toes, ankles and fingers from those trees and wall… At the moment it’s a bit worse. Why? Because the bike I am currently borrowing has no brakes. Generally, this is ok. The island paths and trails are rough enough that you get a little smooth run downhill, but almost immediately you hit sand or an uphill that slows you down. This path and lack of brakes however, don’t go well together. It dawned on me, as I was chatting to Xena, that on my bike when I have brakes, I know I’m in control. And, if I know I have control, it gives me confidence to zoom through the gaps without thinking, without touching my brakes, and without hitting the walls. And on my brakeless bike, I hesitate… And if you hesitate and look at the wall…. One of the most common things I say to pupils – you go where you look. What you think, you create.That’s exactly what Xena was telling me this morning. By knowing that she could walk away, by knowing that she moves my feet to follow her, and by pulling sweary marey faces at me, she has control of the situation. She’s in control and its her willingness to accept me and my tube of medicine that allows it to happen, not my control over her. By me allowing her to walk away, I’m giving her the control she needs, to co-operate as a willing partner. Mutual respect. 
Many moons ago, I had an awesome friend who could communicate with animals. And one of the things that she drummed into my head – don’t pick up cats. It's humiliating, rude and embarrassing. How would you like it if some giant lived in your house and was forever picking you up? You’re snoozing in the sun, and they pick you up. You’re enjoying a bath, and they pick you up. It’s just rude, takes away your control and makes you feel discombobulated (Love that word…) You can’t settle, you feel out of control and unsettled so you bite, scratch or hide under the bed. The little Bat Cat kitten, very early on developed a great trick. If she wanted to be picked up, she’d mew, mew, until you put your hand down. And instantly, if she wanted to be up, she’d half jump into your hand, wrap her paws around your wrist and ask to come up. In this way, she had control. So many people treat animals as dolls to play with – I have a kitten / puppy / tarantula would you like to hold it / pet it / treat it as a living teddy bear. My friend’s cats would sit and watch. If they chose, they’d hop onto the couch next to you. Often, they’d curl up in your lap. But, they were in control, it was their choice and so they were ultra-confident, because they had control. If they didn’t like a situation, they’d leave. Simple.Think of small kids who are forced to go and hug Great Uncle George, even though they hate Great Uncle George because he makes them feel uncomfortable? But, because the parents insist on manners, they’re forced to go, and they have zero control of the situation. This causes stress, worry, and “bad manners”. Other parents, if the child doesn’t want to go to hug Great Uncle George shrug it off – sorry, they’re just shy. The child leaves with a sense of control and is more confident. The book I’m currently reading about PTSD deals with too – if a person is used to being put into a bad situation and having no say, it becomes their norm, which is a problem…How many horses have any element of control? They don’t like a situation, tough luck buddy. How often do these conversations happen…Horse; I don’t like this hard leather girth… I’m going to show you by grinding my teeth, pinning my ears back, kicking out a hind foot, and maybe even biting you…Human; Don’t be a prat, it’s only a girth. And it was expensive. And matches my name brand saddle.Horse; I hate being in this cage (stable) so I’m going to box walk and kick the wall…Human; Arh, pretty pony with a pink blanket, you’ll be warm and dry here…Horse; I’m not cold, I don’t need a rug, I’m going to snap at you as you put it on, and then rip it off…Human; Don’t you be bad and break your expensive new pink blanket…Horse; I can’t go forward, my feet hurt and you’re pulling my mouth.Human; Don’t be lazy or I’ll wear bigger spurs…The horse is trying to have some control over his life. He’s trying to show what makes him unsettled or uncomfortable, and so often, we take away what little control he has over his life and environment. And when you can’t apply the brakes at all, suddenly you feel pretty out of control… How do you think learned helplessness happens?