How big is your why?

Slightly odd question, isn’t it?  Someone asked me that recently, when I told them of a plan that is ticking over in the back of my mind.  How big is your why?  Huh?

She explained – let’s say, you are thinking “I want to get fit”.  How big is your why?  Because, next month we are going for a hike in the mountains, and I want to be able to keep up.  Is that a good enough why?  No.  For one, you’re not really invested in it, for two, in a month’s time, after your hike, where is that inspiration going to take you?  Ok, how about, because at the end of the year I’m going to climb Kilimanjaro, and if I’m not fit enough, it’s going to kick my butt.  Again, that’s better, but is it enough?  If you’re anything like me, no, it’s not big enough.  I did this a couple of years ago – I’m going to get fit to climb Kili, and I did….  Ummm….  Zero training.  I just plodded up that hill.  So, my why wasn’t big enough to get me out there to do my fitness training.  I’m going to get fit so I can play soccer with my kids instead of watching from the side-line?  Yes, that could do it.  I’m going to fit to have more energy to run my business and have time family time.  Yup, that could be it too.

Made it up the little hill, but how much fitness work had I done?  Well, not much…
Made it up the little hill, but how much fitness work had I done? Well, not much…

A long, long time ago – well over 20 years – I decided that I wasn’t eating meat.  Now, my three loves in life were steak, Bovril and an African delicacy called Biltong – a dried meat similar to beef jerky.  When I said I was going vegetarian, everyone who knew me laughed, thinking oh yes, this’ll last a week.  And, it has lasted, coming up for 30 years.  Because?  I had an enormous WHY.  I wasn’t going to eat my friends anymore.  Cut and dried.  It was absolutely no effort to stop, and I’ve never been tempted back.  My WHY was more than enough.  For the past 5 years or so, I’ve debated going full on vegan, but….  I just love cheese and chocolate.  Pizza?  How do you say no?  About 3 years ago, I was coughing a cough that just wouldn’t leave.  Doctor after doctor told me that I could try this medicine or that, but nothing worked.  Finally, after three separate people told me that it was dairy, I had a go, and removed all dairy from my diet for a month.  Lo and behold, after about 4 days, I stopped coughing.  Magic.  After the month, I started to reintroduce dairy, and the one thing that would make me cough was – milk in my coffee.  That why was big enough – I haven’t had milk in tea or coffee since then, and magically, I don’t cough.  But I also figured out that I could eat cheese and chocolate….  They both make my throat itch, but I can cope with that….

Mmmmm, the black coffee is a go, but can I give up the cake to go with it?
Mmmmm, the black coffee is a go, but can I give up the cake to go with it?

As a WHY, it isn’t big enough.  Recently, I was staying in an area where there are lots, lot, lots of dairies and dairy cows.  They were well enough looked after, but the sight of them wearing computerised bracelets to tell the farmers of their number, yield and vital statistics was depressing.  And watching the new mum’s bellow for their babies as they were taken away….  I think I may have found a big enough WHY to stop me eating dairy.

A while ago, I went to teach a new client, and as I walked in, this rider said to me – “yes, I know, I’m overweight”.  Well OK, let’s get on with it, we went about our lesson.  He did battle – his joints are under pressure; the doctor is threatening knee surgery and the risk of diabetes.  He’s not fit, and although his very large and up to weight hunter type horse can carry him, it would make both of their lives easier if he lost the weight.  I didn’t mention it though.  Afterwards, his wife, who was watching, commented that I hadn’t said anything about his weight.  I replied, he knows about his weight.  The doctor has told him.  His regular riding instructor has told him.  You have told him.  My telling him wasn’t going to be a big enough WHY.  When he decides, when the weight gets to him and a WHY appears on his radar, he’ll choose to lose the weight and it’ll happen relatively easily.  But until then?  Not happening.

You want to improve your riding?  Why?  To win a ribbon at a show?  Not enough.  Because your yard suggested you came for a lesson?  Not enough.  Because your horse has the beginnings of kissing spines, and your vet has said that if you don’t get organised and ride in balance, you’ll end up putting your horse down?  Yes, that could be a good enough why.

You want to lose weight?  Why?  To feel healthier?  No.  Because your family has booked an epic riding safari and their weight limit is 80kg…  Yup, that could be the why.

No one is going to be able to teach you a skill, or help you quit something, or get you into a different mindset unless you decide to go there.  And, why do you want to go there?  Well, you need to figure out your own WHY…

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